Romans 8

Ok, so to be honest, my spiritual life hasn't been going to great. I feel like I have really distanced myself from God...it started out as a few missed Bible readings and quickly spiraled downward from there. But, by God's grace, I am on the rebound. I want to read Romans 8 everyday from now until Thanksgiving.. Just really read it, analyze it, and apply it. Maybe even memorize it. Feel free to ask me how it is going.

Semester at Sea!!

This past Friday, I was accepted by Semester at Sea. SAS is a study-abroad program put on my the University of Virginia. The way it works, it is like a university on a ship. We take this huge (cruise) ship, the MV Explorer, to our various destinations. While the ship is at sea, classes are in session. When we are in port, there will not be classes although there might be field practica (required for certain courses and optional) as well as opportunity for individual travel.

I plan to go abroad through Semester at Sea next summer (Mid-June to end of August). My voyage will tour the Mediterranean. We will start out in Nassau, Bahamas. From there, we will sail to

-Barcelona, Spain

-Naples, Italy

-Dubrovnik, Croatia

-Athens, Greece

-Istanbul, Turkey

-Alexandria, Egypt

-Casablanca, Morocco

-Boston, MA

I am very excited! I am most excited because I feel like this is God's will. Last year, I had attempted to make this trip happen for this past summer. However, things just never went smoothly in pulling all the parts together. For example, I never actually got around to the SAS application, despite considering it a priority for my Christmas break. This time around, I was able to complete the application in about an hour (during time that I was on-call to work but didn't get called in). The WSU portion of the application is also almost complete, whereas last year, it also did not happen. The ease with which things are happening, and the stress-free aspect, just makes it seem like things are going the way they are supposed to. Nonetheless, if this opportunity is not God's will for me, I would hope that He would stop my steps in that direction.

As you can expect, a trip like this will cost a pretty penny. So prayers for finances would be greatly appreciated. I plan to apply for scholarships, SAS offers many different ones, work studies, and loans. There is in particular one work-study that I would really like to get. It is for the position of the photographer's assistant. The job descriptions sounds absolutely heavenly to me!

I will try to keep everyone updated as I go through this process :) And thanks in advance for prayers!

OH and if anyone is interested, the website for SAS is semesteratsea.org

Apartment Address

The new apartment's address, where both Sarah and I can be contacted, is 1365 NE Brandi Way #I204, Pullman, WA 99164. Feel free to send letters anytime--we'd love to hear from everyone :)

The apartment is coming along very well. We were able to unload the Budget truck and the two other vehicles on Thursday. (Major thanks goes out to my dad and Lovejot who so graciously did a lot of heavy lifting. I think Sarah helped as well. I was out for that portion of the time taking the STAMP test.) Then, Sarah and I did the major organizing on Friday after our families left and are currently still working on little details and such. Pictures will be up on Facebook once everything is "just perfect."

Classes start on Monday and with it, probably, the mayhem of busy life. Please pray that Sarah and I can adjust our sleeping schedules quickly so as to make this transition from summer to school life as painlessly as possible.

Thanks in advance!

Dreams

I was continuing reading through Elisabeth Elliot's Shadow of the Almighty, which is the life and testimony of her husband, Jim Elliot, today and I ran across a passage that struck me. It was a tidbit from one of his letters to Elisabeth when he was in Shandia, Ecuador:

"This I know. That if next year is as full of sweet surprises and things to be wondered at as has been this last one (and I have no reason now to expect anything less; the situations are analogous in their impossibilities) it will be but stronger evidence of the good hand of God upon and over us, keeping His promises and confirming all we have hoped in Him. Is it not, for all its sting, a wonder way to live, Betty? To dream, and want and pray, almost savagely; then to commit and wait and see Him quietly pile all dreams aside and replace them with what we could not dream, the realized Will?" [Emphasis mine]

This passage really got me thinking about the dreams that I am holding onto. Have I committed those dreams to Him? Would I rejoice, like Jim, when those dreams are swept aside and be able to recognize the beauty and wisdom of God's will? Those questions really apply to me at this point in life because a particular dream or hope that I have started to almost plan my life around. I haven't told very many people about it yet I must think of it everyday. And it is this: Once I am done with my education and all of my student loans have been paid off (which is a long ways into the future), I want to leave the U.S. for another country where I can work at a clinic or orphanage with children. I am geared towards India as the country, for obvious reasons. The thought of working at an orphanage appeals to me for so many reasons. I love children and would want to be involved with children beyond seeing mildly to greatly sick children in any hospital or clinic setting. I can't see myself doing the job of a pediatrician in such a impersonal setting. I want to be able to see the child grow, to get to know the child's likes and dislikes, needs and dreams. I want to nurture those children who may not have any other person to nurture them in such a manner. And I want to do it on a larger scale than a home. Which is where the planning associated with the dream comes in. When I see myself in this dream occupation of mine, I find that my effectiveness is greatest as a single woman. Since I was a child, I have dreamed of my own family with a loving husband and children of my own as I am sure has been the dream for many females throughout the ages. But this dream pales next to the new dream. (And do not think that my affection for the first dream weak or fickle by any means. In fact, I would readily have given up ANY career for that of a homemaker and a home to make.) I feel that I can give my affections more easily and freely if I did not have children of my own.

But lifelong dreams are hard to let go of altogether at once. I cannot help but hope for my "other half."

Another thing that my hopes of working at an orphanage abroad changes is how much I will be around my close and extended family. Family is super important to me and I love seeing people I love grow. As I enjoy it now, I cannot help but think that I may not be around to see it in the (distant) future. Yet, I am not despaired. I am fairly content.

As much thought as I have put into this dream, I don't want to become so attached that I am not willingly to lay it at the feet of my God. I pray that I can be like Jim Elliot, who later wrote this in a letter to his parents: "Nothing is too good to be: so believe, believe to see. In my own experience I have found that the most extravagant dreams of boyhood have not surpassed the great experience of being in the Will of God, and I believe that nothing could be better. That is not to say that I do not want other things, and other ways of living, and other places to see, but in my right mind I know that my hopes and plans for myself could not be any better than He has arranged and fulfilled them. Thus we may find it, and know the truth of the Word which says, 'He will be our guide even unto death.'"

May I be ready to follow Him to my death and be ready to die the little deaths along the way as well.

in anaheim

Haven't had internet the last few days so I haven't been able to update on here. We've had a good trip so far. Stayed in Fresno the last two days with one of my dad's cousins and his family. Today we arrived in Anaheim and spent most of the day at Disneyland. We left to get food and rest a little at the hotel..now I have to try and motivate everyone to go back to Disneyland so we can see the other half of the park :)

Hopefully we will see some fireworks and the World of Color show tonight as well.

Tomorrow is California Adventure and then Sunday will be the San Diego Zoo and Sea World. Monday we will head to Universal Studios and then go back to Fresno for the night. San Jose on Tuesday to visit one of Dad's college buddies and then head home Wednesday.

Pictures will go up today or tomorrow..whenever I feel like it :)

Family Vacation!

If I haven't told you already, my family is going on a vacation! This is our first family vacation since...well actually, I don't remember the last time we had a family vacation when it was the five of us.

I'm super excited for this trip! It will be interesting to see how it all goes since we don't all always get along. But recently, things have been good...the last couple of nights there has been quite a bit of bonding between us three siblings, typically thanks to Lovejot's antics.
We should be on the road in less than four hours. Our first destination is Fresno (yes, yes I know) and my dad is driving the whole way. And then it should be Disneyland tomorrow!

I will be doing my best to post on Facebook and maybe on here during the trip. Pics will definitely be going up on FB.

Please be praying for journey's mercies for us and for strength and energy for my dad! See you all in a week!!

My Mom

The end of my freshmen year and this year's Mother's day are in very close proximity. The end of my first year of college has definitely gotten me thinking about the past and the things that God has done for me.

There are so many things that I am thankful for. The thing or rather person, that I am extremely thankful for, is my mom. Almost a year ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy to remove the cancerous lump in early July last year. She decided to continue on with treatment just to remove any chance of the cancer remaining in her body. She began chemotherapy treatments the day before I had to leave for WSU. She lost all her hair in the process. In October, her chemo ended and radiation treatments began. In December all treatments were finished.

This past April, my mom started to get a rash on her neck. She got several different opinions on it, from co-workers, employee health, etc. When it didn't go away in a few days, she went to her doctor and he gave her a few shots and medications, diagnosing it as a spider bite. However, although the rash decreased, my mom started to develop a fever in the middle of the night. The fever would come on around midnight and break in the late afternoon. Her doctor had instructed her to go to emergency should she ever get a fever. Her immune system was weak from the cancer treatment and they could not afford to take any chances with her. I was hope for spring break at this time so I drove my mom to emergency. There they kept her for several hours and performed many tests, only to come away with the possibility that my mom might have a kidney stone. They had no idea what was causing the fever.

My mom continued to develop a fever, however. The day after I came back to WSU from spring break, my mom went to her doctor. He sent her to emergency and sent an infection specialist to see her. He finally pin-pointed what was going on. My mom had a MRSA staph infection. Following diagnosis, my mom had to get medicine IV'ed to her twice a day. She spent two hours every morning and evening at the hospital and had to keep the IV in her wrist the rest of the time.

A few weeks ago, my mom started feeling pain and noticed swelling where her scar from surgery is. The swelling and pain soon spread. Again, some infection is behind this. I don't know if they have pinpointed exactly what but I think the swelling and pain have decreased.

I was away at college for the majority of my mom and my family's journey with this disease and the repercussions of treatment. I have tried to stay tough through out it the most that I could. I knew God was going to use this to do great things in my family, the majority of which is unsaved (Loveleen and I being the exceptions). It has been very hard. However, there has been a very evident softening of my mom. Many have remarked on just how she glows and cute she is, despite how much she may be suffering. Praise be to God for this softening!

As I think about the relationship that I have had with my mom, it hasn't been a very intimate or close one. I don't really remember ever sharing my dreams with her or asking her about her experiences in life the way a mother and daughter should. My family in general isn't very good at expressing ourselves, especially with one another.

In the last year, with the combination of me leaving and everything with Mom, many things have changed. I am much closer with my siblings and am much more appreciative of my parents. Now, my mom and I talk every night. We aren't quite at the place where we talk about deeper things but I know in talking to her that she loves me. There is a tenderness in the way she talks and tells me that she loves me.
I am so very grateful that God has preserved by my mom. I am grateful that I still have the opportunity to talk to her and someday soon, really get to know her. I am put to tears at the thought that I could have lost my mom and never would have really known her. I am determined to not waste any more of my time with her.

For my mom and her health, I am grateful. Thank you, Jesus.

So much going on!

It's been so long since I last blogged on here and there is so much in my mind that I want to write about!

It's kind of nice being back in Pullman. Just about every other time that I have come back here after a trip home I have been unhappy. After Christmas break I was positively depressed when I had to come back! But this time around I am a little delighted to be back. I don't know if it has to do with the weather here (it's absolutely gorgeous and sunny!) or because I know that in a few weeks I will be going home for the summer. Either way, I think I like things like this better. So I will have to keep that in mind the next time I tend towards being grumpy.

My poor momma is not doing too well. A couple of weeks ago she got this rash on her neck. Everyone she went to kept dismissing it and just giving her creams. Then she went to her doctor and he thought it might be a spider bite and gave her two shots and three different pills to take. That seemed to help a little but then my mom started to get a fever. She would get a fever in the middle of the night but then be okay again from like 5-9 in the evening. The second day of the fever, I took my mom to the ER at Providence. Because of her weakened immune system from the cancer treatments, her doctor had told her to go to Emergency if she ever had a fever. The doctor at the ER kept her there for several hours for different tests. He dismissed any connection between the fever and the rash. After several hours, they sent my mom home with the conclusion that she might have a kidney stone. They still had no idea what was causing the fever. So my mom came home with a few more pills and no real explanation. Two days ago the rash returned and began to spread. Then yesterday the rash covered my mom's neck, chest, and arms. She went to her doctor who sent her to the ER again but this time called a specialist to see her. The specialist discovered that my mom has a MRSA staff infection. I don't know too much about it but I guess 1 in 3 people have the dormant trait for MRSA that does not express itself until in comes in contact with the active bacteria that cause MRSA. A hospital infection MRSA is what usually causes the expression and people with weakened immune systems are especially susceptible to it. So my momma has to go to the ER twice a day to get medicine for this infection IVed to her. I know that she just feels so exhausted from being so sick. Please pray for her.

On a lighter note, I have started another blog. This blog is for my photography and it is www.lifemarkphotography.blogspot.com.

Do Not Forecast Grief

This is an excerpt from Elisabeth Elliot's book, Keep a Quiet Heart.

Sitting one still and sunny afternoon in a tiny chapel on an island in the South, I thought I heard someone enter. A young woman was weeping quietly. After a little time I asked if I could help. She confided her fears of the future--what if her husband should die? Or one of her children? What if money ran out?

All our fears represent in some form, I believe, the fear of death, common to all of us. But is it our business to pry into what may happen tomorrow? It is a difficult and painful exercise which saps the strength and uses up the time given us today. Once we give ourselves up to God, shall we attempt to get a hold of what can never belong to us--tomorrow? Our lives are His, our times in His hand, He is Lord over what will happen, never mind what may happen. When we prayed "Thy will be done," did we suppose He did not hear us? He heard indeed, and daily makes our business His and partakes of our lives. If my life is once surrendered, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine!

Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly what is required of me now.

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof"-- and the work thereof. The evil is not a part of the yoke Jesus asks us to take. Our work is, and He takes that yoke with us. I will overextend myself if I assume more.

God chains the dog till night; wilt loose the chain

And wake thy sorrow?

Wilt thou forestall it, and now grieve tomorrow,

And then again

Grieve over freshly all thy pain?

Either grief will not come, or if it must,

Do no forecast;

And while it cometh, it is almost past.

Away, distrust;

My God hath promis'd; He is just.

George Herbert, "The Discharge"

It is so easy to get caught up in the worries of tomorrow. We spend so much time thinking about things that could happen. Most of those things never happen. We have to remember Who holds the future. And even more than that, we already know the ultimate end. In light of that, does everything in between matter?