"This I know. That if next year is as full of sweet surprises and things to be wondered at as has been this last one (and I have no reason now to expect anything less; the situations are analogous in their impossibilities) it will be but stronger evidence of the good hand of God upon and over us, keeping His promises and confirming all we have hoped in Him. Is it not, for all its sting, a wonder way to live, Betty? To dream, and want and pray, almost savagely; then to commit and wait and see Him quietly pile all dreams aside and replace them with what we could not dream, the realized Will?" [Emphasis mine]
This passage really got me thinking about the dreams that I am holding onto. Have I committed those dreams to Him? Would I rejoice, like Jim, when those dreams are swept aside and be able to recognize the beauty and wisdom of God's will? Those questions really apply to me at this point in life because a particular dream or hope that I have started to almost plan my life around. I haven't told very many people about it yet I must think of it everyday. And it is this: Once I am done with my education and all of my student loans have been paid off (which is a long ways into the future), I want to leave the U.S. for another country where I can work at a clinic or orphanage with children. I am geared towards India as the country, for obvious reasons. The thought of working at an orphanage appeals to me for so many reasons. I love children and would want to be involved with children beyond seeing mildly to greatly sick children in any hospital or clinic setting. I can't see myself doing the job of a pediatrician in such a impersonal setting. I want to be able to see the child grow, to get to know the child's likes and dislikes, needs and dreams. I want to nurture those children who may not have any other person to nurture them in such a manner. And I want to do it on a larger scale than a home. Which is where the planning associated with the dream comes in. When I see myself in this dream occupation of mine, I find that my effectiveness is greatest as a single woman. Since I was a child, I have dreamed of my own family with a loving husband and children of my own as I am sure has been the dream for many females throughout the ages. But this dream pales next to the new dream. (And do not think that my affection for the first dream weak or fickle by any means. In fact, I would readily have given up ANY career for that of a homemaker and a home to make.) I feel that I can give my affections more easily and freely if I did not have children of my own.
But lifelong dreams are hard to let go of altogether at once. I cannot help but hope for my "other half."
Another thing that my hopes of working at an orphanage abroad changes is how much I will be around my close and extended family. Family is super important to me and I love seeing people I love grow. As I enjoy it now, I cannot help but think that I may not be around to see it in the (distant) future. Yet, I am not despaired. I am fairly content.
As much thought as I have put into this dream, I don't want to become so attached that I am not willingly to lay it at the feet of my God. I pray that I can be like Jim Elliot, who later wrote this in a letter to his parents: "Nothing is too good to be: so believe, believe to see. In my own experience I have found that the most extravagant dreams of boyhood have not surpassed the great experience of being in the Will of God, and I believe that nothing could be better. That is not to say that I do not want other things, and other ways of living, and other places to see, but in my right mind I know that my hopes and plans for myself could not be any better than He has arranged and fulfilled them. Thus we may find it, and know the truth of the Word which says, 'He will be our guide even unto death.'"
May I be ready to follow Him to my death and be ready to die the little deaths along the way as well.
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