My Testimony

Here is my testimony as read at the 2009 Spring Banquet. More posts will be coming soon.

As most of you know, my siblings and I came to Grace 4 years ago. Our parents sent us here not because of spiritual reasons but for academic ones. They wanted to give us every opportunity to excel in schoolwork and wanted to protect us from things we might have run into at larger, public schools. They did not intend for us to be affected spiritually at all, although they did admonish us to not abandon our culture, and essentially our religion, Sikhism.
At first I was very naïve. I did not fully understand what Christianity was and I thought for sure that I could reconcile my own faith with it. However, every argument that I had for my beliefs and the beliefs of my parents was refuted. This erosion of my defense was not done in a direct manner such as one-on-one debates but through the increased knowledge of what Christianity was, especially through my interactions with Scripture. The more I learned about it, the more it made sense. Soon, I was convinced that Christianity was the only true faith, the only way to God. However, I had not forgotten my parents’ desires.
There was a time in the spring of my freshman year that I, out of fear of hell, said a prayer accepting Christ. For a week I thought that I had been saved and that I was now a child of God. For a week I worked up the courage to tell my parents. I told my dad when he picked us up from school one day. He immediately began reasoning with me, telling me that every religion is the same and that I should have never left our religion. I listened to his arguments, knowing that each argument was false. But in the end I conceded to him, not because he had been able to win me over logically but because I could not stand losing favor in the eyes of my family. At that time I thought I needed my family more than I needed Christ.
So we continued to attend Grace. I could feel my heart hardening, however. My heart was hardening towards Christ and all things spiritual and it was hardening towards my parents, who were preventing me from accepting Christ. But at school I continued to put on a show.
I thought I did rather well at pretending to be a Christian. There were people who knew about my true spiritual state, though. Their full numbers I do not know even to this day but I thank God for their faithfulness, especially in prayer. Mrs. Dabrowski was one person who I knew was aware of my spiritual deadness. She occasionally talked to me after class or when no one else was around about Christ. She entreated me again and again to accept Christ. I always told her that I could not because of my parents and she always reminded me that this matter was solely between me and God. Soon I dreaded being alone with Mrs. Dabrowski, as much as I loved her, because I did not want to be reminded that I was hell bound.
By the end of my junior year and through senior year, there were others that had figured out that I was not a believer and they were faithful to talk to me about it. It did not take long, however, for me to begin to avoid their company as well.
Snow Retreat 2009 rolled around and I was put into a tight corner. Loveleen had convinced our dad to let us go this year. I was excited at the prospect of going for the sake of spending time with my friends but I was wary of all things spiritual. In particular, I was afraid of revealing that I was not a Christian. So as the end of the semester approached, I busied myself in schoolwork, trying not to think of the 09SR.
But even as I worked to ignore the looming event, I could feel God preparing my heart for it. To a certain degree, I found my heart softening and by the Sunday before the retreat, I found myself thinking, “Okay God. If You really want me saved, then shatter my heart of stone at this retreat. If You don’t, I will take it that I am never to be one of Yours. Do what You will.” In a sense I turned everything over to God then.
The first day of Snow Retreat came as we all piled into the buses and headed over. There were first day festivities and things, as usual, and then there was the sermon. Sean Higgins was going to be preaching this year and to be honest, that was one of the reasons that I was so wary of coming. Sean is an amazing speaker who has a gift of cutting straight through to people’s hearts. He spoke that first session from Revelation 3:14-22 on how God will spit out the lukewarm. I definitely classified myself as the lukewarm so the message was particularly striking.
As usual, after the sessions were cabin times. God had wisely arranged for Mrs. Frisk to have two cabins this year, one that contained me and several senior girls and another that contained a medley of girls, including my sister. During that first cabin time we shared testimonies. I was very quiet and just listened, hoping the entire time that I would not have to speak. But then Loveleen spoke and that was when I first found out that she had accepted Christ. I sat there listening to my sister confess her love for Christ. After she was done, I went ahead and put the truth of my own spiritual state before everyone who was there. I told them that I was not a Christian and hated the fact that I could not be one because I did not have the courage to face my parents.
I silently contemplated things as cabin times continued. I can’t remember everything that went through my mind as I sat there but I remember coming to a decision. After cabin times there was a mad rush for showers and during that time, Bethany came up to the room I was in. Bethany was one of those people that had been faithfully talking to me about Christ and things spiritual. She asked me how our cabin times went and it was then that I told her. Whatever would happen at home, Christ would take care of because I had accepted and wanted Him as my Lord and Savior. I had such a sense of peace and joy for the rest of that week. I could not imagine why in the world I had tried to live without it before.
The next step for me and my sister was to tell our parents about our decision. I had felt a strong conviction to tell them especially since what I had claimed was holding me back from acccepting was them. So we talked to Mrs. Frisk about it and decided to tell them later on in the weekend. On Saturday, I talked to my brother and he said that he had accepted Christ as well. So on Sunday, when my dad got home from work, I sat both my parents down and told them. I watched their expressions go from excitement to disbelief to shock to rage. Just as I had expected, they were not happy. But this time I had the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gave me strength to remain firm in the faith, so much so that I did not even once break down in tears before my parents.
My parents tried everything they could over the next two days to get us to reject Christ. I, in particular, was their focus. I think it was that I am their oldest child, the one that they had the most hopes for. I never felt compelled to go back on my commitment to Christ, however. In fact, it was in those first few days after we told them that I felt the greatest reassurance that I was indeed saved.
When my parents realized that I was not going to budge, they looked desperately for a reason as to why I would have changed so much in such a short amount of time. They decided that I had crashed under pressure from school. So they took me to a psychiatrist in Seattle who pronounced me to be in the early stages of bipolar disorder. My parents, to this day, believe that diagnosis.
As much as the diagnosis and my parents’ acceptance of it came as a shock to me, it was also a blessing. I could now live out my testimony before my family without being intensely persecuted. The entire experience was truly a blessing in disguise. Even as my biological family was turning against me, I was discovering my family in Christ. Especially at Grace, I received so much support and love, even from people whom I did not know very well. My heart overflowed with love for these people who were not only offering me their prayers but also their homes, if the situation ever came to that.
Looking back, I do not regret anything. Although I have had my ups and downs, I have not turned my back on my Lord and do not intend to do so. I encourage any of you who have not accepted Christ to not go another minute without doing so. Whatever your reasons may be to hold back, I assure you that a relationship with Christ will be worth it. It won’t be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.
Now as we turn to the wonderful evening that we have before us, I entreat you to look at banquet from a different light. This event is an opportunity for us as students to not only dress up and have a good time but to also serve God and one another. Go out of your way to make these next few hours the most enjoyable ones not only for yourself but for those around you. This service could be pulling out the chair for someone or even just having a good attitude. Remember that the most important part, however, is that you are seeking to glorify Christ. I also encourage you to talk to those around you about what Christ is doing in your life. Share with one another the spiritual lessons that you have been learning so that each of you may profit from the lives of your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Looking back on my own life, I feel sad that I let so many such opportunities go to waste. Don’t let this opportunity go. Make the 2009 Spring Banquet more than another Grace Academy banquet.